You’ve gotta love it. Joburgers just don’t take no for an answer.
If we don’t have it, we buy it, we import it or we make it. The Valley of the Waves at Sun City is a case in point.
Okay, it’s not strictly in Joburg as such, it’s officially in the North West, but it’s only 180km away and the brand new Platinum Highway is going to bring it even closer.
If you’ve never been there, which is mathematically possible even though it’s been open since 1992, here’s what you’re missing:
The main attraction is without doubt the Roaring Lagoon, the proper name for what everyone thinks is the Valley of the Waves; the man-made 6 500m2 wave pool with a palm-fringed beach that creates 1.8m waves every 90 seconds when it’s in wave-making mode. Otherwise it creates a bobbing cycle in a diamond pattern, which is when everyone grabs their rubber tubes and takes to the water.
For the more sedate, there’s the Lazy River, where you bob around on rubber rings in a continuous circuit past the food court and the kids’ only adventure playground, the Adventure Mountain.
And then it gets serious. There are five slides up on the hillside to the left of the roaring lagoon. Two are on tubes (the Mamba and the Viper), two are “normal” supertubes that you go down on your body, dubbed The Scorpion and the Tarantula. One of each is in darkness, which is novel and a rush, and then there is the Temple of Courage.
Ouch.
In truth, it is stupid. It is unedifyingly scary and you will pull your costume from the nether regions of your body when you eventually come to a stop. As it is I got friction burns on my fingertips trying to hold onto the slide for the first two metres before gravity took its course.
It’s a 70m water slide, but the first 17m are a near vertical drop.
I’m a middle-aged, fat, father of four. I did it to impress my kids and get them to shut up. I never have to do it again, just as I never have to do the rides at Gold Reef City after projectile-vomiting on the kiddies’ tea cups.
Here’s a tip if you just want to enjoy the Valley and never have to do the rides (four of which are really cool, even for a coward like me) – go in high season, where people queue the entire day.
The Valley of the Waves is kitsch, gloriously ersatz and quintessentially Gauteng, even if it is in the North West. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t brilliant entertainment that’s safe for the entire family.
It is expensive... however, if you’re a daytripper look out for the special packages that give you a whole bunch of vouchers for lunches, ice creams and cool drinks from the various concessions and franchise outlets – they can effectively discount your entry charge by half.
If you’re a hotel resident, go for the morning and go back to your hotel in the afternoon and enjoy the pool and amenities there.
Bottom line: Valley of the Waves is the best fun you can have without travelling all the way to Durban. The amenities are exceptional and the vibe at high season, such as New Year’s Day, is really great. - Saturday Star