According to the programmes manager at The Parent Centre, Jonathan Hoffenberg, multiple family and societal dynamics fuel a child’s bullying tendencies.
As Anti-Bullying Week is annually observed from November 11 to the 15th, the cause aims to raise awareness of the impact of bullying.
Citing research by Harrington Johnson Wands Attorneys and Conveyancers, Hoffenberg said more than 3.2 million learners are bullied annually in South Africa.
While 90% of school bullying is carried out by learners, 160 000 high-school learners bunk school on a daily basis to avoid being bullied.
Additionally, 67% of victims do not report their bullies to teachers, as they believe it will not change their situation; and one in 10 learners drop out of school to avoid being bullied.
Hoffenberg suggested that children’s poor self-esteem and insecurities may push them to bully their peers who seem emotionally and physically weak, which can provide a feeling of self-importance and control.
Children who also have a temper and extreme levels of aggression may use bullying as a coping mechanism.
“Often children bully and lash out as a coping mechanism or plea for help because they themselves are under stress. In some cases, children may need help learning to manage anger, hurt, frustration, or other strong emotions,” said Hoffenberg.
Hoffenberg pointed out that dysfunctional family structures and toxic parenting styles may be the key influence to a child being a bully.
“Some children bully based on what they see at home. Children often learn more from what they see than what they may be told,” he said.
The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) is a concept popular in family strengthening programmes, where it explores the impact of negative experiences that contributed to a child who engages in bullying behaviour.
Adverse Childhood Experiences are traumatic events that have happened among children between the ages of one and 17, said Hoffenberg.
“Caregivers may have been badly impacted by violence in their past and are unaware of this damage, and how it transpires in their own parenting style, often perpetuating the same negative patterns of parenting that they were exposed to.
“What we have observed from the community members who have gone through our Rethinking Violence in Parenting (RVIP) programme, is that South Africans mostly practise an authoritarian family style with an emphasis on punitive discipline. We have also found that there is a low level of self-reflection in how we parent,” stated Hoffenberg.
He furthermore urged parents to take bullying seriously if their child happens to prey on their peers.
“Explain why it is not okay and discuss how the child can make amends, and try to understand the feelings behind the bullying and try unpacking the reasons. Remember that children may bully because they have trouble managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or insecurity,” said Hoffenberg.
Parents are encouraged to teach their children to practise empathy and good behaviour, including conflict resolution in order to prevent future bullying.
Hoffenberg emphasised that parents should monitor their family dynamics, from parental to sibling behaviour.
“It is natural and normal for children and their siblings to fight but keep monitoring the behaviour. Think about how you talk around your kids, and how you handle conflict.
“Consider any possible adverse childhood experiences you may have had and if and how it’s impacting the way you parent your child. A healthy family uses humour and even teases each other but there are limits and hurt feelings should be acknowledged if things go too far,” he said.
The Star