A 45-year-old man has come under fire from Mzansi after asking the internet whether he and his wife are a**holes for wanting their youngest son to move out of the house now so that they can retire early.
Posting their situation on Reddit’s “AITA – Am I the A**hole” platform, the man, whom we named Jacob, says he and his wife have always planned to work hard while they were younger and then retire early.
They aim to sell their large family home in the next few months and downscale to a property in the city, which they will only live in when they are not travelling.
In order to do this though, they say their 19-year-old son – the youngest of three adult children, needs to move out now. They will not put off their retirement plans, nor will they allow him to move with them. Instead, they will pay his first and last months’ rent, and the security deposit for his own place.
Their last-born, however, is not happy with the plan, nor are his siblings who are seemingly ready to cut a few ties with their parents over this decision.
But what do South Africans think?
The opinions from IOL readers are obviously varied but, for the most part, the feeling is that the parents are selfish a**holes.
“If your child is still studying, has not bought a car and has not started paying a bond for his own house, then yes, you guys are selfish,” says Denesh Ramdat Govender.
“Imagine, that child going out there, immature, unequipped, no sense of responsibility, nothing. He will be back in your house in no time, feeling like a complete disappointment... Never, I did not bring that child into this world to be anything other than amazingly successful and I will do everything I can to make it happen... Finish and kla.”
Lalitha Reddy agrees: “Bottom line is you can retire from your job but not from your own children and grandchildren. Even parents who are 90 years-old still care and stress over their 60-year-old adult children. Once a parent there is no such thing as retirement.
“It's not just financial, material, and career independence, but also the social, emotional, and mental well-being of your child to consider. The closer one is to young adults the easier it is to detect psychological instability as well.”
She says the suicide rate amongst young adults from 20 to 35-years-old is on the rise, and that parents should “love and comfort your children whenever you can”.
“Don't allow your child to become a statistic as each child matures at their own pace. When they are ready they will fly away with you with your loving eyes still comforting them.”
The Reddit post did not state where the couple was living, but reader Bring Back Mzansi Now. believes they are from the Mother City.
“This father must be from Cape Town, he is expecting his son to go work at Shoprite.”
Many readers say that the couple should wait until their son is 21 before making him move out, or that they should wait until he is finished studying and has a job.
CW le Roux believes it is “very irresponsible” of the parents to sell their house at the age of 45 and travel to see the world.
“By 50 you will be dirt poor and then your only child you kicked out of the house at 19 must care for you. That's why some families never get out on top. Everything I do is building for my children's future and laying the foundation also for their children to prosper, even if it means sacrificing the ‘lekker’ things in life.”
Another popular opinion is that, if the parents look after the son for a bit longer, he may not put them in an old-age home when they are older.
Most of the comments revolve around similar opinions as stated above, but there are a few that believe the 19-year-old should move out. One of them is Nqaba Luyenge who writes: “They are teaching him to be responsible and to stand on his own...and I know he will thank them later.”
Agreeing with this, CT Coetzee says: “No you’re not wrong, he has to start learning to stand on his own feet and not always expect to get everything on a silver platter.”
For people who have lived in South Africa’s rural areas, Basil Valentyn Diergaardt, says they would be familiar with young people leaving home at that age and going to the big cities to look for work.
“I left at 20yrs and here I am still going strong...”
But, as this is South Africa, after all, we will conclude the comments with this one from Jason Govender: “We know one thing for sure: these aren't charous...”
IOL BUSINESS